I have to get used to the fact that I will always be seen as a foreigner in Pakistan. Lets be frank, my Urdu is not the greatest. Even though I can communicate with others but how I speak sets me apart from everyone else. I have been laughed at, in fact I have been asked if I am a 'pathan' because of how I speak. Pathans are referred to as ethnic Afghans or Pashtuns and are often distinguished by the way they speak Urdu, which is not always clear.

When I go to field visits and introduce myself as someone from Canada who has come to Pakistan to learn at AKU, I am automatically bombarded with several questions. Some personal and others general. Even when I do not introduce myself and just open my mouth, the questions start. Initially I found this to be uncomfortable as some would ask really personal questions. Questions that are 'normally' not asked during the first encounter. I say 'normally' because the definition varies from culture to culture and person to person. A question that I would always get asked and that would make me most uncomfortable is "Are you married?" If not then, "Are you engaged." "How did you meet him?" "Is it love?" Now just imagine how I felt. Blushing. Shy. Shifting my weight. Looking down. Giving one word answers.

I have now realized a few things now. First, many of the individuals I have met thus far have had no interaction with the outside world. They have stayed in the same country, the same city, and the same village all their lives. They interact with the same neighbours, the same 'sabzi wala' (vegetable man) and the same 'doodh wala' (milk man) all their lives. Some to do not even own a T.V to at least be updated as to what is going on in the world. There is a sense of isolation. So it is no wonder that as soon an individual from another country enters their premises, their curiosity would peak. They want to know what it is like 'over there?' What do I do? What do I do for enjoyment? In a way I am seen as their only connection with the outside world. Sure I am still uncomfortable when I am bombarded with questions (I guess its my personal nature) but I am more understanding now. So why not share with them what I can for knowledge that is to benefit all is to be shared. Also, this type of sharing is a form of human connection that goes beyond all boundaries and territories. Not to worry, I try not to reveal too much information as I know some (not all) can use this to harm me and those around me.

Second, the concept of love is always a great mystery especially in a country where arranged marriages is the norm. Individuals are not permitted to choose who they will marry as it is a decision made by the family, for the family. They make this decision by weighing the benefits verses the risks. However, some decisions are made only to benefit some and not others but that is a topic in it self! Regardless, interest and curiosity becomes heightened at the thought of some one's marriage being a love marriage. This is something new. Something different. Something exciting. Sure love marriages are now becoming popular even here in Karachi but the norm is still arrange marriages. So when I am talking to the female family members about my "love life" I feel like we are school girls indulging in our secrets. I do not feel uncomfortable anymore. Instead, I feel like I am a part of their family.

I have been invited to quite a few weddings here by my work colleagues and I enjoyed every single one of them! Each wedding provided to be quite an experience. I love to attend weddings because I am such a hopeless romantic and I love to see the excitement and the anticipation in the couples' eyes.

Let me give you a quick cultural lesson on wedding's in Pakistan.

Mayoon = celebrated at the bride's house, where all her friends and close relatives gather and celebrate with dancing and singing. Drum music is usually accompanied. Henna is usually put on the women's hands as well.

Mayun = a custom of the bride entering into the state of seclusion for eight to fifteen days before the wedding. The bride is free of all chores and errands as the beautification rituals being.

Ubtan (a paste made from turmeric, sandalwood power, herbs and aromatic oils) is prepared for the bride by the groom's mother, which is then applied to the bride's hands and face. It is applied to the bride's skin each day leading up to her wedding.

Dholki = a ceremony where the girl's family (immediate and extended) sing traditional wedding songs as well as popular songs accompanied by a Dholki (drum). I had a great time when I attended my friend's sister's dholki. We were entertained with dancing and singing and not to forget great food!

Mehndi/Rasm-e-Henna = a ceremony held separately for the bride and the groom where henna is placed on the couple's hands. The groom's friends and family bring along sweets and henna for the bride, and the bride's family does the same for the groom. The bride and the groom cannot attend the other's ceremony.

Baraat = is a procession of family, relatives, and friends of the groom that accompany the groom to either the bride’s home or a reception hall for the official wedding ceremony. The groom makes his way to the bride's home on a richly decked horse or in a car and the “baraat” follows in different vehicles. Groom is given warm welcome by the bride’s family with flower garlands and rose petals.

Nikah = an Islamic official wedding ceremony that takes place either at the bride’s home, a reception hall or a Mosque. It is attended by close family members, relatives, and friends of the groom and the bride. Usually, the men and women are made to sit separately, in different rooms, or have a purdah, or curtain, separating them. Verses of the Holy Qur'an is recited-the verses highlighting the significance of a marriage. Nikah-naama is a document of marriage contract, which is registered during the Nikah ceremony. The Nikahnaama contains several terms and conditions that are to be respected by both parties (bride & groom). Both the bride and the groom have to verbally approve of the conditions by saying "Kabool kya" which means "I accept." I guess this is similar to saying ' I do.'

Shaadi = A reception held after the Nikkah. Usually this event takes place in large wedding tents set up in a garden or an open lot. The bride's family is responsible for the reception and arrangements on this day. I will talk more about this a little later..

Rukhsati = An event that takes place after the shaadi when the groom and his family leave together with the bride. The Qur'an is usually held over the bride''s head as she walks from the stage to the exit in order to bless her. Since this event symbolizes the departure of the bride from her parent's home, it is usually a somber occasion. Hence, it becomes a very emotional scene as the bride bids her family goodbye in order to start a new married life with her husband and his family.

I have found that weddings play a big part in the lives of people here. Families save up all their lives only to spend their entire life's savings on the most exquisite weddings. This becomes especially hard on the girl's side as they have to host the Shaadi (reception). The whole of Karachi has everything you need for a wedding. If you drive around the streets of Karachi, you will find HUNDREDS of marriage lawns and tents pitched up especially for this occasion. One block has up to 10 wedding lawns. I wish it could be this easy in Canada. Just find an open space and pitch a tent! No need for renting halls and all the administrative and legal stuff that accompanies it. There are SEVERAL markets and bazaars where one can purchase what ever they need for a wedding. Everything from clothes, shoes, and purses to decorations and gifts.

During these weddings, families pay so much such to put a 'show' on for others. This is true for pretty much all cultures. The bridal and groom party wear the most exquisite outfits and are drowning in gold (not the men, of course). They spend a lot on the most finest cuisine (usually biryani and pillau). And lets not forget gifts for either side of the family. Weddings do not start until late in the night-say 10:30 or 11. Hence, dinner is served REALLY late! Most guest come late and leave right after food is served.

The brides look beautiful but they too have to go through a great ordeal. They have to wear the most heaviest and shiniest outfits with the finest designs and embroidery. They are covered with jewelry from head to toe. They have to wear big earrings on their nose, which makes it difficult for them to eat. It takes 4 hours to get their hair done and 4 hours for their make up. They are told to not smile nor laugh but 'act' shy. Their heads are always kept down, looking at the ground. They are to talk only when spoken to. For two of the weddings I had attended, I could see that the brides really wanted to laugh but couldn't. I felt like tickling them so they could just laugh! Don't worry, I didn't as that is a big no-no.

In every culture, weddings and marriages play a big part in people's lives. This is accompanied by various 'rasams' (traditions). However, it has more so to do with families than the actual couple getting married. Culturally, it is all about the families and the communities rather than the individual. Hence, to make the family happy certain traditions are followed and restrictions obeyed regardless if you understand any of these traditions or not. Even after the wedding when the couple starts their married life together, families continue to play a big part.

Individuals are never an entitity in and of itself. He or she is continously interacting with the environment through a symbiotic relationship.

Some thoughts on my mind...

Why is Urdu the only language that uses the same word for 'yesterday' and 'tomorrow'- 'Kal'? Is there a deeper, philosophical rational behind this or is it purely coincidental? While reflecting, I thought that maybe Pakistanis worry less about the past and the future but focus more on the present. But I soon realized that this reasoning is ignorant, simplistic and completely flaud. And so I continue with my search.....

Why is it that every time in Karachi I complement someone, they think I am "makhan mareing"-which means to 'butter someone up.' The assumption is that someone butters someone up only when they need something. I asked someone this and they informed me that people in Pakistan do not easily complement people-it is not part of the culture. I firmly believe in recognizing and appreciating work well done. It serves to motivate, encourage and inspire others. And if you are looking at this from a business point of view, then it leads to productive employees. A friend mentioned that she has noticed the same while being here and was recently shocked when a fellow colleague complemented her work.

I wonder why people here hate it when I say "thank you" and "please"? Is it part of the culture? I have noticed that people are much less formal here. Which is different for me because I always try to be as polite as I can be. This is appreciated in any western or European country but not here. I guess they see no reason to be so formal when you are amongst family and your own people. I mean, we are not this formal with our close family members so why be so formal with those that consider you as their own? This type of informalness is referred to as "bhai-chagh"-which means brotherhood. So how do you explain the fact that I always hold doors for people but hardly anyone holds the door for me? Well, again I was told that people are not used to this opening door business. One cannot and shouldn't even dare to make the judgement that people here are not civilized or respectful because that is completely flaud (I have heard these comments here before). What it means to be civilized here does not mean the same in another part of the world. And I have seen some pretty civilized and respectful folks here. Culturally appropriate behaviour is defined by that culture alone-not by an outside influence.

I was recently informed that The Economist ranked Karachi fourth least livable city amongst the 132 cities surveyed and Business Week ranked it 175 out of 215 in livability in 2007, down from 170 in 2006. So why am I deeply attached to this country and do not want to leave?! Is it because of my birth attachment or am I attached to the people and the culture? What is it about Karachi that I love while others consider it the least livable?

How do people here stay awake so late yet still have the strength to wake up early and concentrate on their daily activities? I need to sleep early and wake up early in order to function properly during the day. This could be because I am used to this and it has been my habit. However, since being here in Karachi, this habit is slowly changing...Even at 2-3am in the morning, one can see local karachities just chilling over a cup of chai at a local chai shop or on top of their cars. These same people wake up as early as 6am to start their day's work. How do they do this?! Karachi is a city that never sleeps-no matter what time of the night (or morning) you go out, you will always run into traffic jams and crowds of people on the streets. I guess when you need to make a buck, you will do whatever it takes while not giving up your leisure time.


“Wondering's healthy. Broadens the mind. Opens you up to all sorts of stray thoughts and possibilities.” - Charles de Lint quotes.

“Wonder is the foundation of all philosophy, inquiry the progress, ignorance the end” - Michel de Montaigne quotes

Keep on wondering....

Freedom: The idea of being free. The absence of interference with the sovernity of an individual by the use of coercion or aggression. The condition in which an individual has the ability to act according to his or her own will.

The above are some definitions of 'freedom' I have come across. However, I have been trying to construct my own definition of freedom ever since I have been here in Karachi.


It was initially really hard for me to get into the groove of things when I arrived in Karachi. I felt constricted and restricted. There were many things I could not do that I could do freely in Canada. For example, I had to think twice-three times before going to Jamat Khana (place of worship) or getting groceries. I would need to really think about the 'how, when, where, whom' over and over again before I even stepped out of my residence and campus. This was mostly due to safety and security issues, especially since I am a female in a male-dominated society. I couldn't, and still, cant go to most places without a companion or proper transportation. This was frustrating for me because I could easily go out in Canada at any time of the day, where ever I pleased. I felt as if my rights and freedom have been taken away from me. That I had to do what others told me to do - I was being coerced and forced against my will...

Here, women's mobility in the public sphere is severely restricted...for several reasons mind you. These vary from security and safety issues, culture and even tradition. So what about their 'freedom?' Freedom to go where they please and do what they desire without any interference?

Even while living in Canada I may have enjoyed a certain degree of freedom-more so than here in Karachi-but I do not think I was ever completely free in Canada. I too had to follow societal and familial rules and restrictions. For example, a new driver cannot drive at certain times of the night. I can only cross the road in areas where there are designated pedestrian crosswalks otherwise I run the risk of getting heavily fined. These 'rules' do not exist in Karachi. Rules and restrictions serve to maintain a functional society and prevent chaos. However, these restrictions can only be valid if and when they are for every one's benefit, instead for a selected few. Both in Pakistan and Canada, I have seen some regulations benefiting some and not others. So sure I may be "more free" in Canada but only with a lot of restrictions.

Looking back, I think I had become individualistic. I was merely thinking about my rights and my freedoms. I had failed to realize that I was living in a communal society, where my actions affect not only myself but those around me as well. The culture here revolves a lot around families (immediate and extended) and on the community as a whole. Every decision and every action is taken while keeping the wider community in mind.

And so I wonder.... is freedom given to us or do we have to acquire it? Is one considered privileged to be born with a certain degree of freedom? Or does it depend on luck of the draw? What about those who were not born privileged enough ? Do their rights matter or are they just tossed aside? If we are "free" then what are we free from and whom? Are we ever completely "free"?


"The shepherd drives the wolf from the sheep's throat, for which the sheep thanks the shepherd as his liberator, while the wolf denounces him for the same act, as the destroyer of liberty. Plainly the sheep and the wolf are not agreed upon a definition of the word liberty; and precisely the same difference prevails today among human creatures." - Abraham Lincoln

"You can only protect your liberties in this world by protecting the other man's freedom. You can only be free if I am free" - Clarence Darrow

Even though I have been here in Karachi for almost 7 months now, I am still not used to the idea of having maids, house cleaners, cooks and drivers. In Canada, I would see cleaning staff in office buildings and grocery stores but never in homes. Here in Karachi, almost every house has a "massi" (maid) to clean the house or cook. However, you do have to make fairly good income to hire one. Some households have up to 4 maids/housekeepers. Even at the women's residency, every week (or however often you call) housekeeping comes in to clean your room...and I mean the entire room. From dusting to sweeping to mopping. This makes me uncomfortable because I have always cleaned my own house-never have I needed anyone to do this task for me. In fact, I have always enjoyed performing these household responsibilities. I find cleaning, as well as cooking, very peaceful.


I understand that everyone needs to work in some form or the other to bring income and support their families. If there were no jobs created for housecleaning and cooking then how can these individuals and their families survive, especially since many have not receieved any formal schooling and are unable to read or write. But I cannot help but feel an overwhelming sense of compassion for them. Every day since I have been here, I see these individuals working really hard around the clock to make a buck. They do tasks that you and I would never dream of doing. My heart really goes out to them. I try to offer my assistance but they always refuse saying, "No Memsaheb, this is our duty." And what I find to be most inspiring is that they never complain. They work hard and they work hard with a smile..no matter the issues they may be dealing with at home.

Something else I have discovered is that these workers always sit on the ground while the rest sit on sofas or chairs. Every time I ask them to sit beside me or if I sit down with them, they look down and say, "no." I guess they have been so used to this that anything else does not work for them anymore. I do not know if their employers have asked them to sit on the ground or that is just what they prefer. I really dont know. Either way, I do not like it when someone is not at the same level as me-whether it be higher or lower. It creates a feeling of superiority/inferirorty, even if it is unintentional. In my opinion, only God All Mighty is superior to all. I prefer to be at the same level as all my brothers and sisters-I am from them and they are from me...

What else bothers me is that some employers treat their workers with out any respect. They are rude and get upset at the smallest things (I have witnessed this). We are all human beings and because of this status, as exhalted as it is, we are not perfect and are prone to make mistakes.

All that I have mentioned above merely creates the "other." We segregate ourselves based on class and social status. Those that do not belong to the same social class as us are seen as "the other." Those whose job descriptions are not the same as ours are seen as "the other." With this, we forget that we are all one and the same. We fail to understand and appreciate each others' thoughts, opinions and desires because we have become too engrossed in our own.
Reality check: We do not live in isolation-we are part and parcel of our environment.

I leave you with a quote by Albert Einstein which I feel sums up everything I have said as well as my feelings which I am unable to express.
"A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty."

Let me tell you a true story told by a good friend....

As M (my friend) was riding on the local bus with F (his friend), they encountered a man who had first gotten off the bus but jumped back on when he realized his cell phone was missing (a common occurrence in Pakistan). That man yelled (in Urdu, of course) to everyone on the bus, "No one is getting out of this bus until I find my cell phone! Who has it?!" So M and F suggested to this man that he should try calling the cell phone and wait for it to ring. That man used one of their cell phones and sure enough, his phone started to ring! As everyone on the bus started to look around as to where the 'ring' was coming from, someone noticed a man scrambling to turn of a cell phone. That man was called out right away. Soon enough, that man was getting a beating for the crime he had committed. F had joined in as he too wanted to teach this man a lesson but M never joined in.

Apparently, when someone commits a crime (esp. stealing), local people come together to teach that person a lesson through public violence. They call this, "Haath saaf karne ka" which means to "clean your hands" of something. As my friend was telling me his story, I was reminded of a book I am currently reading by Alice C Hunsberger's The Ruby of Badakshan. Nasir Khusraw mentions that during Fatimid Cairo, the punishment for those caught cheating anyone was to mount on a camel and ride around the city with a bell in his hands while crying out, "I have committed a misdemeanour and am suffering reproach. Whosoever tells a lie is rewarded with public disgrace." This method proved to be successful at that time. I guess what happened on that bus was a form of "public disgrace" to teach that man a lesson about morals. I do not completely agree with this as violence is never the answer. It never "teaches" anyone a lesson and it never gets to the grass root of the problem. But I am assuming this form of public disgrace evolved from culture and how things have always been done.

Anyways, back to the story. After that man was beaten up and the bus ride continued, a couple more men got on that bus. These men approached M and F and asked, "whose idea was it to tell that guy to ring his own cell phone." He sounded as if he himself thought it was a great idea. So F admitted that it was his idea, as he was smiling. Brace yourself as what happened next will shock you. Both M and F received a beating from these guys as they were the friends of the man who had stolen the phone. These guys were upset that because of M and F, their friend was caught and was beaten. Oh and here is something else that you should know...when someone steals anything of yours keep in mind that there is an army full of people behind this one act. No act is performed solo.

As he was telling me this I was shocked because M and F did a good thing by helping this man find his stolen phone. F's involvement in the beating is a different story. So why did they have to pay for it? There is a saying, "Kar Bala, Pakar Ghala" (Do good and they grab your throat-i.e do good and you pay for it). I asked M if he would continue to help others in spite of this incidence and he said YES because that's his "responsibility" as a human being, to help others. I haven't told him this but I was really proud of him at that moment. In fact, he is a source of inspiration for me....


I have seen random acts of kindness being performed here all the time. While we were on the road, an old man's car stopped working so young men came from all over to help this man out. When any one's car gets stalled, random people come over to help push that car. Sure a few people give the rest a bad name but rest assured that most people in Karachi are extremely helpful and are there for you when you need them. I have been a recipient of this kindness every day since I have been here. Yes I have met some individuals who are not the most helpful but you will find this anywhere you go in the world. The message I am trying to get across is that do not be influenced by what the media or what a few people tell you. Listen to the whole story and listen to both sides of that story. Only then will you really be able to understand and appreciate the situation.

NEWS ALERT!

I am frustrated and saddened by the recent news in Karachi. I need to reflect and vent.

Saturday's torrential rains have claimed more than 30 lives and the death toll is still climbing. This has been the worse rainstorm for 36 or so years now. As mentioned in my earlier blog, these deaths have not only occurred on the roads and in villages but also due to fallen power lines. Karachi has a population of millions living in all different parts of the city. So you can imagine that many of these people are not accounted for, neither are they registered in Pakistan's National Registry system. I can very well bet that there are also deaths not accounted for due to the monsoon.

To make matters worse, last night riots had broken out in Karachi as people were protesting against the K.E.S.C (Karachi Electric Supply Company). The power had not returned to most parts of Karachi for more than 24 hrs, creating frustrated and angry people. Cars and tires were burned. Violence had broken out. My poor friend was stuck in the middle of these protests and as result, he was beaten with sticks. He is fine though, thank God! Obviously frustration against the government has been building for years and the best way that these people know how to release this frustration is through violence. However, by burning down their own city they are only harming themselves. Also, we are all in the same boat-everyone is in the same situation. Instead of hurting each other, why can't we just work with each other? I mean what is the point of hurting innocent people, like my friend here. But I can definitely feel their anger and sympathize with them. Wouldn't you be angry too if you haven't had power, gas and water for more than 24 hours while your government is enjoying their generators?!! Wouldn't you be angry too if water was leaking through your roof, or worse yet your roof had collapsed leaving you homeless while your government was relaxing in their palaces?!! I am not making excuses for anyone but merely trying to understand and appreciate the situation. It is like looking at an onion-from the outside you only see one layer but only when you cut the onion in half do you notice a multitude of issues, perspectives and insights encompassing one situation or event.

What other means do these people have to go against their government than to result to violence when their own government officials suppress freedom of speech and crushes anyone that dare raise their voice or try to act on behalf of their countrymen and women. No wonder civil society is not strong in this part of the world. Sad to say but many people have just given up. And those that haven't given up and actually voice their thoughts....well lets just say that is the last you may ever be heard....Oh and lets not forget the one Karachi city mayor who is hated by every government official but loved by the people of Karachi as he is the only one who cares for the people and does not 'eat their money' like the rest. Why else do you think Karachi and Pakistan as a whole has been experiencing 'brain drain' at an unprecedented level? People's potentials, knowledge and expertise are not being respected nor utilized to its maximum. And so people leave their country for better opportunities elsewhere. Come on Pakistan (the government and its people), open your eyes! You have so much potential and so much to give to the world! Do not give up on yourselves...do not give up on your country!