I am living in a world of contradictions and this has gotten me feeling confused and frustrated….

How can some men ask of their women to be veiled without the slightest understanding as to the significance behind the veil, while these same men physically, sexually and emotionally abuse other women?

How can there be so much poverty that little children are begging for money, while others use these same children to generate their income?

Why is it that when you genuinely smile at someone and are friendly with them then they feel this is permission for them to step out of line?

I feel like I am constantly being starred at, by both men and women, for reasons unbeknownst to me. “Do I have something on my face?” “Did I not fix my kurti after coming out of the washroom?” “Am I showing skin?” These thoughts run across my mind continuously. Their staring makes me extremely uncomfortable that I do not leave the house either without a shawl or a dupatta to veil myself. Inside restaurants, within the women’s residency or in other people’s houses I do not feel the need to cover myself. As soon as you enter outside of those domains, all eyes are on you. I have never felt the need to “hide” myself in Canada or anywhere else.

I am the type of person who likes to smile as I pass by individuals on the street. But I find that as soon as I smile at someone, some people assume that I either want something or that it is ok for them to act “fresh.” Can’t a person smile just because? And when I walk with a stern look on my face, I feel like I am not being myself. I feel horrible and dirty. I have been told that in Karachi, one has to exchange a dirty look for a dirty look, stare at the person who is staring at you and frown when you are bring frowned upon. But what if you are not that person they are asking you to be? So what is a person to do? It is as if opposite forces are pulling me from either direction. Don’t make me be someone I am not!!