A colleague and I were conversing about our future career/education plans while enjoying some delicious samosas and chai (tea). She excitedly mentioned that she plans to either pursue her MA or MPH. However, when the topic changed to our love lives her smile turned into a forced smile. Her fiancee is against her working as well as pursing a higher education. He has made it perfectly clear to her that after marriage she is to stay home. Guess how old she is? 23! Since she is to get married in two years, she hopes she can fulfill her dreams of going back to school within those two years.

With her permission, I inquired further as to why her soon-to-be husband is against her working and going back to school. He feels that it is his 'responsibility' to provide for his family. That she should not be working and to let him be the 'breadwinner' while she rests at home. However, he had also said that he does not want her to work because that would mean she may have to work with male colleagues and this makes him uncomfortable.This may have more to do with cultural differences than trust issues. Additionally, he feels that after completing 14 yrs of education, "there is no need to go further." Apparently to him, 14 years of education is more than enough....

Again, I claimed ignorance and asked her how she feels about all this. Where does her happiness lie? Even though she wants to continue working, she also feels that she needs to make her husband happy.

That is a big sacrifice to give up your goals and dreams for the one you are about to spend the rest of your life with. But why can't couples support each other to pursue their individual and collective dreams? Why does schooling and working have to be only about making money? Why can it not be about passion, desire and happiness? I have seen this in Canada as well. Individuals obtain higher education at the best universities only to land the best job so that they can make the most amount of money. Why can we not do all of the above but do so out of interest and not solely to acquire material gain? Have we become greedy? Unmotivated? or have we surrendered ourselves to societal and cultural norms and expectations?